In the Broadcast Room, a valve from the Power Box begins to sizzle, and depending on whether or not Alex Winston prevents it from overheating the Master Trip Switch, Mr. Boseman will respond differently over the Intercom, of which the previously-broken phone has been replaced with a speaker. Regardless of whether or not the valve overheat is prevented, Boseman will inform Alex how to deal with overheating valves through the use of the Fan, of which he notes will occasionally turn off, and the Heat Gauge located to the right of the Sound Desk.
The previous show on Channel One gives the summary of programming for the rest of the evening:
6:30pm - Your Part Of Town - Megan Wolfe is at the beach chatting with members of the general public for a special heatwave edition.
7:30pm - Alabama Jones - the first out of a double bill of movies
9:15pm - Alabama Jones II - the controversial sequel to 'Alabama Jones and the last of the Nazis.'
11:30pm - Incisors - Doctor Adrian Atkinson-Blimey will be chatting with a 6-year-old chess prodigy.
12:05am - National Weather Report
Behind the scenes,
Segment 1[ | ]
Headlines[ | ]
Jeremy starts the headlines by greeting the viewers and introducing the night's headlines.
Siege Mentality[ | ]
The World Council today established a military blockade to enforce the unjust and punitive sanctions now entering their tenth week. In a statement from Team Headquarters a short time ago, Prime Minister Julia Salisbury issued a commanding response to this unprovoked escalation.
High Public Perception Of Advance
Low Public Perception Of Advance
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"The World Council should make no mistake, this blockade and the illegal sanctions it seeks to enforce are an act of war, and will be treated as such. Any incursion, however slight, into our territory will be met with swift, and deadly force. You have been warned."
"The regrettable decision taken by the World Council this morning, have left the citizens of this country isolated and fearful. But Advance have prepared for this day. Our stockpiles are large, our wealth is unfathomable, and we will defend our citizens with every last breath from this latest brutal and calculated act of war. We are with you, one team, indivisible and strong. Thank you."
"Ever since these illegal sanctions were imposed, we have gratefully relied upon trade and aid from our worldwide friends who, like us, refuse to recognise their legitimacy. Today's escalation however, is nothing short of an act of war! We call upon our international allies to condemn this blockade absolutely. And we warn aggressors to this country that we are neither meek, nor defenceless. Thank you."
Johnny Hamsleeves[ | ]
Three's a Crowd[ | ]
It seems the celebrity wedding of the decade might have been a touch busier than expected. In a photo leaked today, it appears the union of football star Johnny Hamsleeves and his bride Tiffany L'Amour may have had a few uninvited guests.
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Hundreds lined the street to celebrate with the happy couple. Eyewitnesses say a cheer went up as the blushing bride passed by in her carriage - shaped like a bacon sandwich. Which is said to be either a protest against the meat industry, or a mix up at the carriage factory.
Scores of drunken revellers gatecrashed the star-studded celebrations and seemingly caused something of a stir! The group swarmed the dance floor in what one onlooker called, 'a conga of shame'. At least three people were taken to hospital with injuries described as 'bouquet related'.
Taking the Plunge[ | ]
Far be it for us to be cynical, but it's beginning to seem like the wedding of a certain celebrity power couple is more about attention than it is about love. As this leaked photo shows, the nuptials of heart-throb, Johnny Hamsleeves and art-snob Tiffany L'Amour were far from conventional when they finally tied the knot this week.
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Eyewitnesses claim that the fuse was lit sometime during the vows and that his entrance to the reception, through three windows and an exterior wall, was particularly memorable.
In a ceremony that left very little to the imagination, the couple are insisting they hold with tradition. Well, as they say, something old, something nude.
Without a Hitch[ | ]
With the celebrity wedding of the year off the cards, rumours have been flying as to the why. Ever since they broke off their engagement, the separation of celebrity lovebirds Johnny Hamsleeves and Tiffany L'Amour has been the subject of fierce speculation in the tabloids. But earlier today, Johnny finally spoke out.
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In an unexpected statement released by the star's management, Johnny claims he can no longer give Tiffany the time she deserves. 'I'm called to worship something higher' he said, 'no marriage can fulfill me, not when there's work to be done'. I'd say she's dodged a holy bullet there.
Johnny has said he's received an outpouring of support after coming out as gay at a press conference earlier today. In a heartfelt statement, he said that despite the fear of reprisals, it was time he finally shared his truth in the hope that gay young people would see that there's no shame in being a footballer.
Popping the Question[ | ]
Sickly striker Johnny Hamsleeves has finally asked his long-term partner to marry him. With his girlfriend, Tiffany L'Amour, standing by him during his long illness, it seems Johnny may have finally turned a corner. Now, as this candid photo shows, it seems he's well enough to propose to her from his sickbed.
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According to a source close to the couple, Tiffany was delighted that her poorly partner wanted to become her happy hubby. In a joint statement, the couple said they hope to break the record for celebrity marriages, which currently stands at 12 days.
But judging by her expression, her reaction might not have been as positive as he'd hoped. Is this the face of a blushing bride to be? Or someone passing a kidney stone? Let's hope that ring wasn't too pricey.
Blowing off Steam[ | ]
Ailing athlete Johnny Hamsleeves has announced today that due to general indifference, he will be retiring from public life. Johnny, who recently split with long-term partner Tiffany L'Amour, is still facing an uphill battle with a rare medical condition, but today said he will now be devoting his time to a new hobby in what could be his final months.
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Sources close to the star reveal he now goes by 'The Hammon Ball' and can be seen breaking the sound barrier as he passes over the A7 just outside of Lambury.
'Meditation has helped me conquer my inner turmoil' Johnny said, from a particularly uncomfortable position on the floor. Clearly he's opting to step out of the limelight and enter a life of peace, tranquility and banging on and on and on about crystals.
Under the Knife[ | ]
Sickly celebrity Johnny Hamsleeves has reportedly opted for an experimental treatment as a last ditch effort at curing his fatal illness. Abandoned by former partner Tiffany L'Amour when public opinion turned against him, it seems poor Johnny Hamsleeves has had to resort to a more extreme surgical procedure. Leaked medical records revealed this file photo of Johnny's surgeon.
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Pictured here at the start of his career, Dr Alan is known for his steady hand, excellent bedside manner, and a particularly overzealous scalpel hand.
Seen here mere weeks after losing his his medical licence, Dr Hank is known for his open-air operating theatres, home-made tools, and his buy one, get one free, appendectomies.
Match Day[ | ]
Reformed bad boy Johnny Hamsleeves was seen out in public today for the first time since leaving rehab. The rehabilitated former sports star was photographed returning to public life looking like a new man this morning as he shopped with friends. Ever since his crowd-pleasing appearance on The Whitney Chinwag Show, the rumour mill has been wondering if a new relationship might be on the cards.
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Speculation is centered around his long-term confidant and friend, Performance Artiste, Tiffany L'Amour. The pair have been close since Johnny attended her debut protest show, Against Fur - For Skin.
Sources close to Johnny say a romance, with ex-teammate Eric Justin will be no surprise, and was common knowledge in the locker room. Though judging by the teams recent form, they may be the only ones scoring this season.
New Leaf?[ | ]
Former footballer Johnny Hamsleeves has made a surprising revelation about what he plans to do now he's leaving rehab. Having successfully finished his treatment but facing public indifference, the sporting hero has decided to step away from public life and dedicate his time to the betterment of others.
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His decision to abandon professional sports for a life of science, has shocked even those closest to him. His former Coach, Jimmy Tracksuit, said 'It's such a shame to see someone so good at kicking a ball give it all up to advance the frontiers of human medical knowledge'.
Johnny claims his new system can help with anything from addiction to weight loss, through his programme of interpersonal spiritual practice. He describes the treatment as a very delicate balance between quiet reflection and guttural screaming, with a lot of nodding.
Fall From Grace[ | ]
Once a celebrated role model in the world of sports, Johnny Hamsleeves has fallen to new lows. After his failed TV comeback attempt, times seem to be hard for this former athlete who was photographed this week on the streets of the Capital in what a former teammate called an unrecognisable state.
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It seems the faded footballing legend has resorted to panhandling to make ends meet after losing his sizable fortune and any remaining public respect. One witness even claimed they'd seen Johnny with a sign stating - Will do kicks for ham!
The once renowned football star has lately turned to a life of petty crime in order to fund his drinking problem. When our reporter approached him for a comment he said 'Gimme your wallet Bannon, you ponce, and I'll take that effing camera as well, mate'.
Top Beer?[ | ]
As his new line of ales goes from strength to strength, Johnny Hamsleeves seems to be really capitalising on its success. The former footballer turned entrepreneur seems to be as comfortable in the boardroom as he ever did on the pitch, as Headbutt Ale smashes projected sales figures yet again.
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To celebrate the achievement, Johnny treated himself to a 24-karat gold toilet he calls 'Golden Johnny's Golden John'. Worth more than the GDP of some nations, the gaudy monstrosity is just as impractical as it is garish, and within hours of getting it home Johnny slipped off the solid gold seat and cracked two ribs on the diamond bathtub.
To expand his beer empire even further, Johnny has unveiled a high tech new brewery to keep up with demand on his flagship ale. He says the facility will be a place where he can really let his creative juices flow, bottle those creative juices, and then sell them at a tidy profit.
Beer in the Headlights[ | ]
Burgeoning Brewmeister Johnny Hamsleeves has today launched a new marketing campaign to revitalise the image of his unpopular Headbutt Ale. Adamant that his craft brew could be a commercial success if only he could get it in front of the right audience, Johnny's gone to surprising lengths in this latest PR Stunt.
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Johnny admits that rebranding Headbutt Ale as the beer of choice for outlaw bikers, Satan's Elbows, without their permission, was a risky move. But says the bearded howls, flying furniture and general air of menace, was a surprise.
In a move he's calling 'groundbreaking', and his accountants are calling irresponsible, Johnny has launched 1000 bottles of beer into the stratosphere where they've now settled into geostationary orbit. He's hailing it as a landmark achievement, whilst scientists are condemning his 'cosmic fly tipping'.
Ale-ing Business[ | ]
Wannabe beer magnate Johnny Hamsleeves seems to have fallen on hard times as his brewery venture folds. It seems Johnny wasn't cut out for the brewing business as poor sales force him to close his doors. And if this exclusive image is anything to go by, he hasn't been handling it well.
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Left with 8000 cases of surplus stock, a heartbroken Hamsleeves says he's been left with no choice but to work his way through the leftovers himself. Johnny said 'I reckon at my current pace, I can get through them in just over 2 1/2 years, but then again, I'm smashed. So what do I know?'.
Pictured here on day four of his nationwide tour, where he's vowing to deck the doubters, the failed entrepreneur is making his way from pub to pub, thumping anyone who calls his brew 'too hoppy'.
In It To Win It[ | ]
Exciting news from Advance today with the announcement of a new monthly prize draw for all Team Membership card holders. Every month, lucky winners from across the country will be picked at random to receive what Team HQ are describing as 'Unique prizes', 'worth more than money used to be'.
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Take up on the scheme has been much higher than expected and if this lucky winner's delighted face is anything to go by, it looks like pretty soon everyone's going to have to have one.
Rymmington-Svist[ | ]
Hard Pill to Swallow[ | ]
Throngs of men take to the streets in response to the release of new pharmaceutical 'Responsipillity'. Rymmington-Svist's revolutionary male contraceptive pill first hit our shelves earlier this month and as a result scores of men have been queueing around the block and around the clock ever since.
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Pharmacies up and down the territory report that they are unable to meet the demand for the wildly popular drug, with some customers camping outside for upwards of 72 hours. Satisfied CEO Sophia Rymmington says they've scaled up production and will soon have manufactured enough to satisfy even the randiest of consumers.
Emergency departments across the developed world have seen waiting times skyrocket over the last several weeks as men who have been on the pill experience side effects in greater numbers than expected. With some pointing the finger squarely at the manufacturing giant, a spokeswoman was swift to point out that they 'just don't care'.
Burning Rubber[ | ]
Sales of condoms have plummeted this month as sales of 'Responsipillity' soar. Since becoming widely available earlier this year, the male contraceptive pill has become commonplace in the lives of many heterosexual couples and as a result, many are turning their backs on more traditional prophylactics.
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But research by the global health watchdog has revealed that it's men who are increasingly saying "no" to the love glove. The findings have prompted concerns about rises in sexually-transmitted infections, and a surge of insufferable conversations during one-night stands.
But a study published today by one leading medical journal suggests that it's women who are moving away from the humble Johnny. The paper found that partners who were willing to share the contraceptive responsibility were far more likely to be screened for infection and to report happier relationships.
Bitter Pill[ | ]
Is this the beginning of the end for 'Responsipillity'? The male contraceptive pill, lauded by scientists as a remarkable achievement, has been widely rejected by the public. Sales of the revolutionary drug have been non-existent with many claiming the world simply wasn't ready for such a shift in radical reproductive politics.
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Sophia Rymmington, the hapless CEO who called the treatment, 'a new hero for sexual health', has removed the product from sale. Pictured here arriving at a board meeting this morning, she is said to have utterly lost hope in humanity, remarking 'What's the point when you're all so damn stupid?!', before bursting into tears.
Relentless CEO, Sophia Rymmington has refused to bow to public pressure and give up on the treatment. Seen here outside Rymmington-Svist's HQ, the dogged businesswoman called the failure a minor hiccup before reducing two reporters to tears.
Kiss Me Flardy[ | ]
The nation's favourite all-rounder, the humble Flard, has risen to new heights after a surprise announcement. The news that Flard-fans all over the territory have been waiting for is finally here. In a statement met with universal delight, Rymmington-Svist unveiled the next chapter for that faithful family favourite, the Flard.
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Laurence Blunderclatch and Helena Canterbury-Boatshoe, rumoured to be mortal enemies, are to reunite to celebrate their one mutual love in 'Die Flard' the movie. Self-confessed Flardy Sophia Rymmington said 'It's only right that the real hero of our age takes centre stage in this no holes Flard action thriller'.
Advance have come to a deal with the manufacturing giant purportedly for a whopping four million units and have been named the territory's official Flard supplier. Sophia Rymmington, seen here sealing the deal, marked the occasion by releasing 14 Flards into the sky as a symbol of peace and prosperity.
Flard-Hearted[ | ]
A shocking inspection of Rymmington-Svist's new Flard factory has revealed health concerns that could leave the ground-breaking facility's future in doubt. After the public's lukewarm response to the industrial plant, the troubling report that found a possible long-term risk to shop floor workers could be the final nail in the coffin. CEO Sophia Rymmington, however, was optimistic that her employees would remain loyal.
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And judging by these pictures, she may be right. As workers seem to be ignoring the warnings and returning to work. It looks like it's business as usual in Grizzleford, perhaps the reports are unfounded or perhaps, like the Shark Ballet, Flards are just simply worth the risk.
But perhaps she spoke too soon. As these photos clearly show, workers are taking the warnings very seriously, and some have even abandoned their posts to seek medical advice. It seems like my mother was wrong, a Flard a day won't keep the doctor away.
A Bridge Too Flard[ | ]
After disappointing sales leave them with a massive Flard surplus, Rymmington-Svist have had to find a use for their overflowing stocks. After the decision to ramp up production was met with public outcry, Sophia Rymmington has let slip the future for the overflowing flock of failed Flards.
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Hoping to recapture the public's imagination, Rymmington-Svist have announced a luxury island getaway called Flard Festival, described as an immersive luxury Flard experience, on an island! This cryptic announcement has certainly raised eyebrows, with consumers asking questions like, 'But what even is it?' and 'Did you say an island?!'.
It seems there are now thousands upon thousands of shipping containers full of the formerly fashionable fabrications lying unused and unloved in warehouses around the country. An official spokesperson refuted this claim saying many of the crates also contain 'corporate whistle-blowers', 'endangered species' and 'long lost priceless religious artifacts'.
Supply and Demand[ | ]
Despite initial controversy, Rymmington-Svist have today announced a huge expansion of their Junior Employment Opportunity Scheme. While originally greeted with skepticism, the popularity of Camp Busyfingers and its cheap and accessible workforce has grown beyond dispute, with today's announcement the next logical step in the program's growth.
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Speaking from one of the camp's lovingly named 'Labour Holes', Sophia Rymmington announced that the project would be expanding its output from clothing and textiles, into printed transistor arrays and high voltage diode boards. Seven-year-old foreman Tilly Andrews said that Union talks with management had broken down around snack time, but she was confident that morale would be much higher after their nap.
Rymmington-Svist say their decision to increase the age range of their camp members was the obvious solution to the concerns about the production line's safety and efficiency. A spokesman said, 'Starting younger means more extensive training, and keeping them longer means that we'll get more responsible middle management once they reach the age of about nine or ten.'
Soldering On[ | ]
After an all round lack of interest in Camp Busyfingers, Rymmington-Svist have decided to pivot their latest project into an entirely new venture. Critics have been attacking both Sophia Rymmington and the Junior Employment Opportunities Scheme since its unveiling, and it seems without public support the corporation has folded to pressure to alter its direction.
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It seems that with the production lines gone, parents are slightly less racked with guilt as they deposit their children at Camp Busyfingers, while they go to work, go on holiday, or stay at home with three bottles of wine. The first Rymmington-Svist daycare centre seems to be a natural and much less morally bankrupt next step for the corporation.
With a number of inspections comparing the conditions at Camp Busyfingers to various prisons and gulags, it required surprisingly few changes to adapt the current infrastructure to the latest in juvenile detention facilities. One parent said "We started to blame ourselves for how our three year old had turned out, but as they say - Out of sight, Out of mind."
Soldiering On[ | ]
Despite universal criticism and threats of legal action, the CEO of Rymmington-Svist insists she'll be continuing the controversial Junior Employment Opportunity Scheme. Sophia Rymmington has courted controversy throughout her short career, but the continuation of the program, described by many as a child labour force, is a low point even for her.
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Seen here leaving a board meeting, the remorseless young businesswoman seemed utterly unperturbed by the outrage, saying "I'm ahead of my time, like that steam engine guy, or God".
Unsurprisingly, Sophia emerged from an emergency resolution meeting looking extremely troubled, telling reporters "It all came as a real shock, I thought people hated children as much as I did."
Unearthed[ | ]
The scandal of the controversial methods employed in the construction of Rymmington-Svist's MOOBS. The future of the project is in question as an anonymous whistle-blower has come forward, detailing the wanton violations employed to further construction, which allegedly can be traced all the way back to shameless CEO Sophia Rymmington.
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Documents seen by this program detail the authorisation of dynamite, plastic explosives and a substance called 'Planet Go BoomBoom' which is derived from the horns of endangered Rhinos. Sophia denies the allegations and claims her bi-weekly safaris are to further her charity work.
The claim alleges a slew of bribes have been paid to public officials, two Mayors, a Police Chief and several pizza delivery drivers, though the last one may be written off as excellent tipping. Sophia denies all wrongdoing and is scheduled to speak before a judge next month.
Hell Hole[ | ]
As construction on the hotly-disputed MOOBS project is halted by the discovery of an ancient burial ground, speculation today as to the nature of the corporation's next move. The revelation that the transport system was being built through a site of such spiritual and cultural significance rocked Rymmington-Svist last night. Pictured here arriving for a board meeting this morning, contentious CEO Sophia Rymmington is expected to announce the future of the project later today.
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Looking decidedly determined and just a touch obstinate, the maverick CEO is expected to say that the project is about building the future, not respecting the past. Reports that Sophia referred to warnings of an ancient curse as 'priceless' are unconfirmed.
Sophia seems to be deeply troubled by the discovery, which is leaving commentators to predict the cessation of tunneling with immediate effect. A victory for campaigners, but what they'll do with that great big hole is anyone's guess.
Glory Hole[ | ]
Due to the overwhelming public disapproval of their controversial MOOBS, Rymmington-Svist announced that excavations are to be discontinued and the unfinished tunnel repurposed. Speaking from her divorce lawyer's parking lot, pitiful CEO Sophia Rymmington admitted the attempt to dig through the earth was 'shortsighted' and 'ambitious' and unveiled the future of the abandoned hole.
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Sophia claims the low-cost subterranean housing project will be a triumph for low income families and promised affordable, attractive accommodation, only a few miles below sea level.
Sophia hailed the planned underground amusement park as a 'visionary design!'. According to a spokesman, 'It's just like a regular theme park, but damper... and more susceptible to cave ins'.
Dante's Taint[ | ]
Leader-shipping Out[ | ]
The trapped scientists undertaking a bold escape from Dante's Taint have revealed which of their two erstwhile leaders will spearhead their journey to freedom. While throughout their careers it's been clear that Doctors Wong and Svorsborgenhorgensvord have worked best together, it seems one of them is now going to be taking a back seat.
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Dr Wong has always been the riskier of the pair, willing to push further and faster in the name of progress. We all remember his now infamous exploding chimp trial. Let's hope that getting the team home sooner doesn't mean they cut too many corners.
Ingrid has always been the tempered coolant to David's flardulised metal. So it's no surprise that with the unexpected challenges the team have faced, they chose her methodical and effective approach to getting the team home safely. Critics however, have speculated that her strategy may be delayed, as her name takes much longer to say.
Some Men Left Behind[ | ]
Escape craft construction has been hampered by problems as the beleaguered scientists stuck in Dante's Taint have had to make a hard call of who won't be coming back due to their new vessel's limited capacity. Despite their promising start, it's fair to say that enthusiasm for the venture has waned. Frayed tensions have rumoured to have led to plans being rushed and big problems that could have been avoided by just simply counting how many of them there are.
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Deciding it would be wise to put their best foot forwards, the team have imposed a minimum IQ requirement for those that would like to make the journey home. The limit is said to be somewhere between the Astrophysicists and the Geologists.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place, it was decided that those who will be left behind should be the best able to adapt and survive. Let's hope they don't regret leaving the Marine Biologists in charge of the complex machinery.
Back to Basics[ | ]
It seems the team trapped in Dante's Taint could be facing a problem too great even for them, as escape plans are scrapped. An image transmitted from deep within the cave system shows the doctors moments after they received the news that they have lost public support for their reckless escape attempt. Could this serious setback prove fatal for their already-troubled homeward venture?
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With all hope lost, even in defeat, these two appear to have stuck together. But can any professional respect survive the prospect of an eternity underground? Most colleagues can't even handle a shared fridge... Megan.
Despite the devastating blow, somehow, Doctors Wong and Svorsborgenhorgensvord seem resolute and united. But without hope of returning home, what will they turn their iron will to instead? If you have any suggestions, perhaps dig a big hole, and scream them into the earth.
O Captain My Captain[ | ]
Progress today for the stranded scientists of Dante's Taint as the captain leading their rescue mission is announced. The trapped team have survived in the cave system for many months now, but hope is on the horizon as the expedition leader is announced by the Board of underground Theoretics.
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A respected professional with decades of experience, training and knowledge, Captain Audrey Aerospace is said to be the only real choice to successfully save the troubled scientific excursion, but an unfortunate one to be sat next to at a dinner party or social occasion.
Given rumours of incompetence throughout his career, captain Archibald Viator III has proven a controversial choice. His troubling service record includes accusations of being drunk, disorderly and disrobed on duty. Classy.
The Cost of a Captain[ | ]
The trapped scientists awaiting rescue in Dante's Taint have today been told who will be leading the expedition to bring them home. The announcement of the newly-appointed Captain comes amid reports that a lack of public interest has hindered fund-raising efforts. However, Doctors Wong and Svorsborgenhorgensvord are said to be remaining hopeful despite financial concerns.
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Waiving her normal fee, the team are calling the appointment of Captain Audrey Aerospace, 'A real boon'. But how will one of the most experienced and well respected leaders in their field handle a journey with a budget lower than an accountant's honeymoon?
The decision to hire infamously cheap but notoriously unreliable Captain Archibald Viator III was widely criticised this morning after he immediately spent 50% of the already tight budget on tequila, recording it on the equipment list as 'Natures seatbelt'.
Funghi or Fundie[ | ]
As their supplies dwindle, the scientists of Dante's Taint have had to supplement their food stores with more unconventional cuisine. After funding was pulled due to public outrage, all attempts to rescue the researchers have now been abandoned. But David and Ingrid's joint team are not going down without a fight and have begun to experiment with the available food sources.
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Without sufficient time to test the long-term effects of eating the newly discovered flora, the scientists resorted to deciding which to eat based on their favourite colour. FX7B3 has become the staple of their subterranean diet and reportedly, despite its appetising aroma, tastes like your Dad's old feet.
Truffle Wongus Aquatica, known locally as svorsborgenhorgens-weed, has become a key part of the scientists' diet despite the lack of knowledge as to its long-term effects. Let's hope they don't sprout any unwanted svorsborgenhorgens-limbs.
Well Endowed[ | ]
Supplies sent down to the struggling scientists of Dante's Taint arrived today to much jubilation and a few tears. With public opinion still behind the stranded squad, the support team on the surface declared that no expense was spared in furnishing the academics with these vital supplies.
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There's nothing a Flard can't fix, so in the challenging environment of Dante's Taint, it seemed only natural to send them a box full of solutions. The Doctors were said to be pleased, but did mention something about being a bit peckish.
The all-purpose supply box will furnish the academics with everything they could need, from rations to medical supplies to seeds. Truly there's never been a better time to be stranded in a barren subterranean environment.
Spin Doctors[ | ]
The beleaguered brainiacs of Dante's Taint have today received a little something to put a smile on their starving faces. With tight funding preventing the supply of anything actually useful, it's hoped this playful package will lift spirits enough to at least create some sense of peace between the warring factions.
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A source close to the support effort revealed she had a few bits left over from her son's birthday party and they've been shipped down to the isolated team. Early reports have described a sad game of Musical Statistics and a half-hearted attempt at Pin the Tail on the Dermatologist.
Opening the crate that contained the emergency Piñata, the scientists reactions ranged from bemused befuddlement, to baffled bewilderment. Imagine their delight when they smash it to pieces and find it's full of medical supplies. Let's hope they don't use those sticks on each other.
Restraint in the Taint[ | ]
Pictures have emerged from Dante's Taint purporting to show the fighting physicists' reaction to the axing of plans to send supplies. The group, who lost public support after devolving into all-out war, were told they would not receive any more help from above ground. But this exclusive picture shows the scientists' current state of mind.
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Despite the initial rivalry, the challenging environment and the stresses of full blown warfare, there seems to be a miraculous spirit of cooperation blooming in the air. We haven't seen scientific collaboration on this scale since the invention of the sandwich toaster.
Mired in problems since the start, this final, complete and total abandonment seems to be the last straw for the savage scholars. Something tells Jeremy they're not discussing particle physics.
Locked Up Tight[ | ]
With relations between Doctors Wong and Svorshorgenborgensvord deteriorating at an ever-increasing pace, the plans for their high-tech wall were revealed today. The bitter rivalry between the two intellectuals have become an impassioned race to determine whose design would proceed to construction. The public's positive reaction to their plan has meant no expense would be spared in building the gratuitous barricade.
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Dr David Wong has always had a tendency to over-engineer his ideas and it seems this new design will continue the trend. With over 4000 moving parts, and consuming as much power as 14 petting zoos, his 'Static Separation Device' promises a high tech and over-convoluted way to keep the groups apart.
Always the long-term thinker, Ingrid says her unorthodox solution combines her technical expertise and her love for unnecessarily long words. While the design of the 'Svorsborgenhorgens-Wall' seems effective, the origins of its name remain a mystery.
Bad Foundations[ | ]
The trapped inhabitants of Dante's Taint are under new management today as the stranded scientists seek to secure themselves a subterranean future. With initial plans for the wall having to be abandoned after supplies received from the surface were found to be insufficient, a new subset of scientists has overthrown Doctors Wong and Svorsborgenhorgensvord and intend to take the project in a new direction.
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Believing in peace, love, and a herbal compound distilled from cave algae, the new leadership is promising a relaxed approach to pretty much everything. When asked to comment on the dire future ahead, a spokesman nodded distractedly for two full minutes before laughing at a boulder.
The new leadership, who seized power through a mixture of shouting and being really mean, have a propensity for discipline, hard work, and excessive leather.
Talking Things Through[ | ]
A momentous subterranean summit today as the imprisoned intellectuals of Dante's Taint met in what was hailed as a breakthrough for tensions in the tunnels. With no help from the surface forthcoming to maintain the separate factions, the two leaders were forced to meet in order to resolve the dispute once and for all. Photos transmitted to the surface captured the surprising moment that the old rivals met face-to-face once more.
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Unfortunately, it seems the pair weren't able to forgive, or forget, as reportedly Ingrid is still unhappy with David's standards of statistical significance, while David is angry that Ingrid mispronounced his name.
Thankfully, doctors David Wong and Ingrid Svorsborgenhorgensvord were able to put their differences aside and reunite, saying: "If we're going to spend an eternity in a cave, we might as well pretend to be happy about it."
Disrupt[ | ]
Burning Down the House[ | ]
The capital was put on high alert last night after Disrupt terrorists set an emblematic fire in the heart of Parliament Park. Violent conflict broke out at the demonstration after a mob of so-called protesters from the radical group launched an unprovoked attack on Community Cohesion Officers in attendance.
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While the burning fist of resistance certainly seems a powerful image in these difficult times, fire officials were quick to point out that had they not arrived in time, and Jeremy quotes, "The whole bloody city might be yesterday's burnt crumpets."
With the methods of this increasingly violent rabble becoming ever more extreme, many are asking if the military should intervene. Colonel Phineas Mad-Badger Fortingly-Davies, of the First Mounted Bastards Brigade said his men were, and Jeremy quotes, "Oiled up and ready for action."
Life During Wartime[ | ]
As if we didn't have enough aggressors on our borders, internal problems are growing for the government as radical activist group Disrupt caused chaos in Parliament Park last night. Scuffles broke out after the protest, resulting in multiple arrests and the injury of three Community Cohesion Officers. Advance have yet to comment.
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The reckless fire will certainly be remembered by all those who have seen these striking images. As their actions escalate, people across the country are asking themselves: "Who are Disrupt?" and "What exactly do they want?" other than a new box of matches, of course.
As grassroots support for the movement grows rapidly, especially in those areas Advance have not yet been able to fully regenerate, people across the country are starting to fear a return to the bad old days of inequality, division, and multiple television shows about buying houses.
Road to Nowhere[ | ]
A large turnout was reported last night for an illegal and unsanctioned demonstration by radical pressure group Disrupt. Although overzealous policing by some Community Cohesion Officers led to isolated scuffles after the event, the activists managed to make an impressive visual display in the heart of Parliament Park.
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As well as burning itself into the minds of all those who've seen the image, the Disrupt symbol is now scorched into the turf, in what can only be described as an impressive exercise in branding.
Although they claim to be a non-violent organisation, many witnesses to the unauthorised protest reported an atmosphere of menace and barely concealed anger. Sounds like an average Christmas in the Donaldson household.
Title Sequence[ | ]
The title sequence for this broadcast is identical to the one first seen on Day 153.
Megan Interview[ | ]
(...)
Robyn Interview[ | ]
(...)
Patrick Interview[ | ]
(...)
Jeremy gives thanks to Barry, informing the viewers that, with a naval blockade actively being set up around the coastline, when he comes back, he'll be talking to three members of the general public who appear to be there purely for medical reasons. He instructs the viewers not to go away, unless they've got something better to do.
Break 1[ | ]
Jenny announces a one-minute break, and as Jeremy stares lifelessly at the table, she walks up to him explaining that his actions were stupid, even coming from someone such as him. He disregards her comment, and as Jenny turns away from him, he replies that he doesn't care, exclaiming that it's 200 fucking degrees in the studio and he can't do it anymore. She tells Jeremy that he says such every Friday, and he looks off to the side before warning Jenny that he has done something. She asks him for clarification, and after a lack of an answer, calls Jeremy's name, only to be told by him that his mic is still live.
(...)
Segment 2[ | ]
Pre-Interview[ | ]
(...)
Interview[ | ]
Rose Piercy has been hiccupping since the election.
Frankie Steampipe has bowels that have comic timing.
Brian Truman answers all questions truthfully, even when it isn't directed at him.
Andy the CCO attempts to arrest Brian Truman for making remarks about the government propaganda. Jeremy starts trying to stop Andy from doing so, and pulls out Andy's gun from his holster and aims it at Andy. Jenny comes out and tells Alex to cut to the ads, but Jeremy stops it and addresses Alex directly, threatening to kill everyone in the studio if Alex cuts to the ads early. Jeremy tells the guests to get out of the studio and Jenny to lock the doors. Jeremy addresses Alex again and tells them that he is aware that the adverts have been loaded in. Jeremy tells Alex to look to the right - there is a tape with the Disrupt logo on it. Jeremy tells Alex to load the tape into the VHS and play it during the break and not before.
Break 2[ | ]
Regardless of whether or not the Disrupt tape is played, the beginning of Break 2 ends the same with Jeremy turning to face the hostages of the National Nightly News Studio. He warns them that, while he doesn't want to hurt any of them, he will not hesitate to start if he sees anything from them that he doesn't like. Giving emphasis on his point, Jeremy points the gun at Andy and mentions that he would be killed first, to which Andy in response raises his hands in surrender. Keeping the gun pointed at Andy, Jeremy demands for the broadcast system to be restarted for the third segment, remarking that he imagines the ratings will be through the roof as a result of the hostage situation.
Disrupt Tape Played[ | ]
Over the Intercom, Boseman remarks that he's going to get in trouble over the tape having been broadcast, hoping that Alex made the right call.
Disrupt Tape Not Played[ | ]
Over the Intercom, Boseman praises Alex's performance, mentioning that they made the right call from the perspective of the station.
Segment 3[ | ]
Disrupt Tape Played[ | ]
Pre-Interview[ | ]
Jeremy mentions that he does not know what to do. He had planned for the tape to be played but not have a hostage situation.
Interview[ | ]
Jeremy proceeds to interview Jenny and Andy. (...)
Jeremy threatens Andy with the gun to eat his notes. Jenny stops him stating the security will kill him, and she doesn't want to watch that. Jeremy then tells both of them to step out of the cameras and to have all cameras pointed at him. He comments about the government regime. He states he was going to quit that night, and breaks down, pulling the gun on his own head. Jenny comes into frame and tells Alex to cut to the ads.
If Alex Winston cuts to the ads immediately after Jenny tells them to do so, the live feed would cut and the player would not know what happened afterwards, but it is revealed on Day 371 that Jeremy was arrested.
If Alex Winston continues to wait after the instruction, Jeremy will wish the viewers a peaceful night and proceed to shoot himself in the head. The live feed then cuts abruptly.
Disrupt Tape Not Played[ | ]
Pre-Interview[ | ]
Jenny and Andy are on the couch as Jeremy frantically demands to know why Alex didn't play Disrupt's tape. Marching over to face Camera 2, Jeremy asks Alex what the fuck is wrong with them, exclaiming that they had a chance to make a real difference. Jenny pleads for him to calm down, to which he walks over and shouts for her to calm down instead, demanding to know how long there remains until the end of the break.
She informs Jeremy of the 8 seconds that remain as he then turns to face Andy, pointing the gun at him and demanding to know his name. Andy reels back and answers with his name, to which Jeremy exclaims "Of course it fucking is." He briefly paces as Jenny pleads once more for him to put the gun down, and Jeremy repeats his question regarding the remaining amount of time in the break, turning to face the cameras as Jenny announces that they're going live.
Interview[ | ]
Once on-air, Jeremy mentions about the military blockade and the current situation in the studio - having all the doors locked but security is on its way. He then begins to interview Jenny and Andy. (...)
Jenny mentions that it is over for Jeremy cause Alex didn't even play the tape. Jeremy states that he had prepared to quit that night, and has even prepared his own notes. He mentions that there was a tape from Disrupt meant for the viewers to see the other side and make up their own minds. However, he comments that Alex did not play it. (...)
Jeremy accidentally fires the gun and shoots one of the cameramen, Aaron, in the shoulder. Camera three will be down for the rest of the broadcast. Jeremy quickly asks for first aid, but Jenny says that they need paramedics and an ambulance. Andy states there will be paramedics with the security team, and Jenny tells Andy to open the doors. Jeremy is concerned about the security and points the gun at Andy telling him not to do that. Jenny asks Jeremy how he thought it was going to end. Jeremy asks Jenny why she was in the studio today for it was supposed to be her day off. Jenny mentioned that her date cancelled and that it would be fun to come into work to see Jeremy and be annoyed with him. The security busts in and have Jeremy at gunpoint, threatening to shoot him if he does not lower his gun within ten seconds. Jenny tells Alex to cut to the ads.
If Alex Winston cuts to the ads immediately after Jenny tells them to do so, the live feed would cut and the player would not know what happened afterwards, but it is revealed on Day 371 that Jeremy was arrested.
If Alex Winston continues to wait after the instruction, Jeremy will put up his gun in an attempt to shoot the security but he is outgunned. The live feed then cuts abruptly.
Break 3[ | ]
After deciding which option you pick, you cut to the ads and Day 296 ends
Adverts[ | ]
There are six selections of adverts for this broadcast, some of which can change depending on choices made:
