User:Mokiros-fduser/Sandbox

Sandbox test

Section 1
[Jeremy is sitting at the table, with Jenny leaning over]

Jeremy: [Doing his pre-broadcast routine] Pah Pah

Jenny: Prawn and Mayonnaise?

Jeremy: You know seafood makes me come out in pustules.

Jenny: Yeah, thought it might increase our viewing figures.

Jeremy: Every day. You offer me prawns every day.

Jenny: [To the studio] Ten seconds everybody! [To Jeremy] It's how I show love.

Jeremy: You're trying to kill me!

Jenny: And yet you persist.

Jenny: Going in five...four...

Jeremy: [Continues the routine] Pah, Pee, Pah, Poo

[Start of broadcast]

Jeremy: Good evening, I'm Jeremy Donaldson. Our main stories tonight: Moving On Up - The election win that experts said just couldn't happen. Hopeful Or Hostile - Controversy as global mega-corporation Rymmington-Svist buys Honest Andy's Totally Independent and corners the flard market. Top Chap - Sports fans everywhere celebrate as popular footballer Johnny Hamsleeves wins Sports' Personality of the Year. And A Spoonful Of Sugar - Megan will be chatting with movie star Laurence Blunderclatch about his new movie: "The Medicated". And, of course, we'll be going live to Advance headquarters, to hear what the leaders of this fledgling party have to say on their historic victory. That's all coming up on tonight's National Nightly News.

[Titles start]

Jenny: 30 seconds back

[Jeremy exhales and takes a sip of water while getting makeup]

[Jenny comes into frame and adjusts Jeremy's microphone]

Jeremy: Seriously? That prick Blunderclatch on election night?

Jenny: Yeah Megan's pretty pissed off too.

Jeremy: I'm not surprised, the bloke wouldn't know democracy if it shat in his cornflakes.

Jenny: Yeah but he's hot though.

Jeremy: I suppose so. If you're into oxygen thieves.

Jenny: [To the studio] Ten seconds everybody! [To Jeremy] Your fragility is leaking.

Jenny: Going in five...four...three...

[Titles end]

Jeremy: But first, the votes are in and it's a decisive win for Advance. The landslide victory, with an astonishing 81% of the popular vote, is the biggest election win in living memory. Advance appealed to voters up and down the country with their bold promises of permanent change, but critics have accused them of a severe lack of actual policies and of being deliberately vague. The opposition parties have all conceded defeat to Advance's overwhelming mandate, but have yet to appear publicly. However, former Home Secretary Geoffrey Geoffries has issued a statement in which he comments that: "We have all been seduced by the shiny wrapping paper but have yet to see the contents of the box". Sounds like sour grapes to me, Geoff. After the break, Megan Wolfe will be speaking to a man whose grapes certainly aren't sour: the international heart throb and inexplicable box-office sensation that is Laurence Blunderclatch. And later in the programme, we'll be going live to Advance HQ to hear the co-leaders' acceptance speech. That's all coming up after the break.

[Ad break]

Jenny: One minute back everybody.

[Megan comes up to Jeremy]

Megan: Jeremy, I need you to fill after the ads.

Jeremy: What? Why?

[Jenny comes into frame]

Jenny: Wankersnatch is running late.

Jeremy: [Begrudgingly] Ah...

Megan: I thought I'd ask him about the election?

Jeremy: Personally, I wouldn't try to confuse him with any big words...

Megan: Hmm... that's the same policy we use with you!

Jenny: I thought that was our little secret?

Megan: Hah, that's alright, he doesn't remember anything I tell him.

Jeremy: I'm deeply uncomfortable with your burgeoning friendship.

Megan: Mm, love you too.

[End of feed]

Section 2
Megan: These aren't my cards, please tell me these aren't my cards...

Jenny: No, they're the right ones apparently.

Megan: Ah but this gives me nothing Jenny, they must see that?

Jenny: I know, I think they think he won't have anything to say.

Megan: Oh for god's sake come on! It's a huge day, he's not an-

[Laurence Blunderclatch comes into the studio]

Laurence: Absolute bonehead! I don't care Rob, I'm not doing it. I agreed to one beastly interview a day, I made that completely clear when we started! Check my contract!

Megan: Hi, I'm Megan-

Laurence: [Gesturing at a burger] Oh piss off! [Pointing at Rob, who is standing in front of Jeremy's table] You're on thin bloody ice Rob. [Looking at burger] Whole wheat man. Whole wheat!

[Laurence throws the burger on Jeremy's table]

Jeremy: Oh for fuck's sake, get it out of here!

Jenny: We're coming back from the break. Quiet in the studio!

Jeremy: [To Rob] Oh, go, go!

Megan: [To Laurence] Thank you so much for-

[Laurence interrupts Megan, holding his index finger up]

Jenny: Ten seconds everybody! Going in five...four...three...

[End of break]

Jeremy: Welcome back to the National Nightly News. Later, we'll be hearing from shock election winners Advance, but first our very own Culture Reporter, Megan Wolfe, is here with a star of both stage and screen...Megan?

Megan: Thank you Jeremy. Megan Wolfe, Culture Correspondent, and today I have a guest who's starred in everything from Shakespeare to the Shot-Bot films. I'm very excited to be joined today by none other than Laurence Blunderclatch. Thank you so much for coming on.

Laurence: Oh my dear, I do hope you believe me when I tell you that being here with you today is among the greatest joys of my life.

Megan: May I say that having you here with us is among ours.

Laurence: Bless you.

Megan: So you've just finished filming your latest movie, which is called "The Medicated".

Laurence: "The Medi-CA-ted", yes.

Megan: Wow, what was that like?

Laurence: Well, as I said to Peter at the wrap - that's Peter Jensen, the director, do you know him? He's a wonderful chap, he really is. I've worked with him on several movies, all terribly successful. I said to Peter: 'What a wild ride this has been!' And d'you know what Megan? I really meant that.

Megan: Wow, that is fantastic. And am I right in saying that the character you play in this movie is quite an academic one?

Laurence: Absolutely right! A scientist!

Megan: Was that a challenge at all?

Laurence: What exactly are you implying?

[Megan looks concerned for a moment]

Laurence: Ha! But seriously, yes, you're right! It was a complete departure from my last starring role, when I played Sergeant Brock Rockman in Bullet Man. You'll remember that that was the true story of one soldier's fight for a love that surpasses all others. A love, of course, for freedom. I think it's grossed over a billion dollars, but uh, honestly who's counting.

Megan: It's a role that saw you scoop two best actor awards, if I remember correctly!

Laurence: It's so sweet of you to mention it but I really am not in it for the awards, although those three little statues do take pride of place on my mantlepiece.

Megan: Ah, with all the others I'm sure! So, if you're not doing it for the awards, what is it then that drives you?

Laurence: Ah, that is a beautiful question, Megan. And not easy to answer! Like you, I'm afraid. Cut me, and I will bleed. And often, that's how it feels, doesn't it? Bleeding. Giving. Suffering. For one's audience. I suppose in the end, I do it for the difference it makes. I do it for the people that I inspire. The little people. But most of all, I think I do it for the positive change that I can bring about in the world.

Megan: [Starts putting away the cards] And today, of course, ahem, we're in for some real change it looks like in the coming few months. What do you make of this historic election result?

Laurence: Ah, oh, well, ha ha ha, well now you're asking! Historic election result indeed! Historic is the word. Well, it's... difficult, isn't it, very difficult. But um, I think I've always been quite clear, that when it comes to politics, um, one should always strive to...not fuck things up.

[Megan picks up the cards]

Megan: Uh, yes, g- well, um-

Laurence: Sorry, I said fuck,

Megan: No-

Laurence: is that? I'm really...apologies... Sorry!

Megan: Well Laurence, I believe you've brought in a clip from "The Medicated", which opens next week around the country. Laurence, do tell us what's going on here.

Laurence: I'd be delighted. This is a really pivotal scene where my character, Doctor Lance Hemlock, is faced with a decision that could affect humanity's very survival.

Megan: Wow, exciting stuff! Let's take a look.

[Clip plays]